Yesterday,controversial Ugandan don Stella Nyanzi,who has,for the
last few months,consistently declared her avowed support for perennial
Presidential Elections loser Kizza Besigye,lost it completely and did
something entirely shocking- but not something we didn't see coming.
After many months of teasing her mighty Facebook audience with tales of her private anatomies and sordid details of her sexuality,her sudden strip tease outside the offices of her Boss Mahmood Mamdani, after he forcefully shut down her office and denied her a chance to work in peace, was not something too alien in Stella's book of social surprises.
Besides the fact that she is an FDC diehard,loathes Museveni to the core,spends insane amounts of time and energies bashing the Ugandan despot, picks wild fights with anyone and everyone,seems indefatigable and invincible, Stella also has a rather unhealthy appetite for sexuality - and has,severally,regaled her stunned Facebook audience with some not-so-savoury tales of what it is like to proudly own a vagina. And even gone ahead to paint a rather tawdry picture of her own vagina... Complete with some very selective adjectives we had rather not repeat here.
Stella is not new to controversy - in fact she courts it. And seems very much at home with being a spectacle,being the centre of wild attention and being the source of wonder and shock.
Her language is at best unfiltered. And her lengthy Facebook posts come laden with the heaviest terminologies and crammed with the crassest details possibly possible.
And after her offices are Makerere University were unprocedurally locked down,Stella whipped up a massive social media conundrum.
She threatened to storm the offices of her Boss (Mahmood Mamdani) and cause a scene. And it was quite the scene.
It didn't take long before Stella stripped herself naked,flung her clothes to the floor and started prancing up and down,stomping to the ground,flashing her naked wobbly breasts,swearing and cursing loudly all this time while recording the whole episode of 'Stella's Got Talent' .
The nude photos quickly met the Internet. And the Internet fell apart.
Who needed to see the nude photos of a 50-something year old mother of four children? Who wanted to be met with the nude photos of a University researcher?
The Internet lauded Stella's courage and spirit. But also largely lampooned the very distasteful nude photos of herself that she launched onto the Internet.
Clearly,no one wants to see the nudies of an old PhD-holding academic who was born in 1974. And who has the type of body Stella has.
Spare us the horror, please. Seemed to be the general sentiment of the entire Internet.
Even locally... We have our own MCA from Western Kenya who also had his nudes 'leaked' onto the Internet. Via WhatsApp.
But the MCA looked like a piece of dead log in the Congo forest. And no one bothered asking for his nudes.
6 Famous Kenyans Whose Nudes We DO NOT WANT TO SEE. EVER EVER.
1. DK Kwenye Beat
The day that the good Sari Sari lyricist decides to have his nude pics unleashed onto the Internet,that's also the day the intent will witness a massive exodus by millions of Kenyans. And not just him. He's a pretty boy,alright. But we can't really say the same thing about that body. DK's nudes would be a torturous adventure... That belly would probably hide so much of the vitals that we wouldn't even see what was intended to be seen. Plus seeing that belly in all of it's naked glory is something we all don't wish to encounter. For a long time. DK had rather stay dressed up. Until he figures out what exactly he wants with his body. And until it's safe enough to watch his unpalatable nakedness without having to book an appointment the local counselor.
2. Marya
She,just like DK Kwenye Beat,has the sort of body that screams 'Do Not photograph me naked please!'. Her nudes are something that should ONLY be spared for her man-if she still has one. And not for the entire public. But given her antics (although she's slowed them down of late) it wouldn't be a huge wonder to have her pics surface on the Internet. But still, the entire intent would say a collective 'NO' and ask her to shove back the images from where they came from. We'd be so confused on what to look at, what to marvel at,what to gawk at, what to get turned on by and what to be revolted at. Not nudes we are looking forward to. Not today. Not in the near future.
3. Robert Alai
Hmmm. Where to start? He's the local version of Stella Nyanzi. Without the breasts and the hanging buttocks,of course. Close your eyes. Try picturing a a naked Alai. Now open your eyes and thank God that the horror was just an imagination. Not a stark reality. What would make Alai go nude? Well,several things. Top on the list would be a protest. Just like Mrs. Nyanzi. The last horror we need is a protesting Alai deciding to strip naked. Or even a cheeky Alai having his nudes 'leaked' onto the net. By some cheeky ex-girlfriend. Wouldn't that be a horror? Oh yes it would.
4. Joji Baro
He's the openly gay dark-skinned skinny boy who came out some three years ago and who also proudly parades himself as one of Kenya's proudest and loudest Gay personalities. He has not hidden his love for fellow boys and has even dared upload semi-nude photos of himself on Facebook. If you've seen Joji Baro,you would know that we would be revolted to face his nudes. It would be a dark dark day for Kenya (literally) and the sight of a skinny gay boy's nudes is something we would need a thorough prayer and deliverance session over. Not something we are definitely looking forward to. Definitely.
5. Ella (Nairobi Diaries)
We've just watched her struggle to find a fitting weight-reduction company - and regime. Ella has the tummy the size of a small pig. There's probably more stuff in her tummy than in the entire Chase Bank reservoirs. If we have to dig deeper,into her nudes, it might not be the best idea we've tried this week. Not with that tummy. Lord knows it would be a torture for us. She's pretty though... But not enough to successfully launch nudes on us and get away with it. Maybe after that weight is gone. And after she's found a whole new tummy. Maybe then... We can reconsider.
6. Pastor Kanyari
His sullied name already makes us sick. The sight of his conman face already repulses us. You can imagine the horror his nudes would inflict on a nation. He already has the body of a potato. And the looks of a cabbage. Now, undress that whole mess. And photograph it. Horror,right? Yeah right! Even Betty couldn't put up with it. But after many years of screwing up the Lord,and making millions out of the desperation of others, you are bound to look like crap at the end of the day. Save your nudes,Pastor. We'd be horrified to encounter them. Barikiwa.
I know most of ya'll will probably disagree on my choice of including poor Ella in the list...But that's me. You know...
Oh...And this list is NOT even remotely exhaustive. We had more people to lump in it...We just didn't find space to put them. People like ,uummm,Ok never mind.
Have a modest day....Won't you?!
After many months of teasing her mighty Facebook audience with tales of her private anatomies and sordid details of her sexuality,her sudden strip tease outside the offices of her Boss Mahmood Mamdani, after he forcefully shut down her office and denied her a chance to work in peace, was not something too alien in Stella's book of social surprises.
Besides the fact that she is an FDC diehard,loathes Museveni to the core,spends insane amounts of time and energies bashing the Ugandan despot, picks wild fights with anyone and everyone,seems indefatigable and invincible, Stella also has a rather unhealthy appetite for sexuality - and has,severally,regaled her stunned Facebook audience with some not-so-savoury tales of what it is like to proudly own a vagina. And even gone ahead to paint a rather tawdry picture of her own vagina... Complete with some very selective adjectives we had rather not repeat here.
Stella is not new to controversy - in fact she courts it. And seems very much at home with being a spectacle,being the centre of wild attention and being the source of wonder and shock.
Her language is at best unfiltered. And her lengthy Facebook posts come laden with the heaviest terminologies and crammed with the crassest details possibly possible.
And after her offices are Makerere University were unprocedurally locked down,Stella whipped up a massive social media conundrum.
She threatened to storm the offices of her Boss (Mahmood Mamdani) and cause a scene. And it was quite the scene.
It didn't take long before Stella stripped herself naked,flung her clothes to the floor and started prancing up and down,stomping to the ground,flashing her naked wobbly breasts,swearing and cursing loudly all this time while recording the whole episode of 'Stella's Got Talent' .
The nude photos quickly met the Internet. And the Internet fell apart.
Who needed to see the nude photos of a 50-something year old mother of four children? Who wanted to be met with the nude photos of a University researcher?
The Internet lauded Stella's courage and spirit. But also largely lampooned the very distasteful nude photos of herself that she launched onto the Internet.
Clearly,no one wants to see the nudies of an old PhD-holding academic who was born in 1974. And who has the type of body Stella has.
Spare us the horror, please. Seemed to be the general sentiment of the entire Internet.
Even locally... We have our own MCA from Western Kenya who also had his nudes 'leaked' onto the Internet. Via WhatsApp.
But the MCA looked like a piece of dead log in the Congo forest. And no one bothered asking for his nudes.
6 Famous Kenyans Whose Nudes We DO NOT WANT TO SEE. EVER EVER.
1. DK Kwenye Beat
The day that the good Sari Sari lyricist decides to have his nude pics unleashed onto the Internet,that's also the day the intent will witness a massive exodus by millions of Kenyans. And not just him. He's a pretty boy,alright. But we can't really say the same thing about that body. DK's nudes would be a torturous adventure... That belly would probably hide so much of the vitals that we wouldn't even see what was intended to be seen. Plus seeing that belly in all of it's naked glory is something we all don't wish to encounter. For a long time. DK had rather stay dressed up. Until he figures out what exactly he wants with his body. And until it's safe enough to watch his unpalatable nakedness without having to book an appointment the local counselor.
2. Marya
She,just like DK Kwenye Beat,has the sort of body that screams 'Do Not photograph me naked please!'. Her nudes are something that should ONLY be spared for her man-if she still has one. And not for the entire public. But given her antics (although she's slowed them down of late) it wouldn't be a huge wonder to have her pics surface on the Internet. But still, the entire intent would say a collective 'NO' and ask her to shove back the images from where they came from. We'd be so confused on what to look at, what to marvel at,what to gawk at, what to get turned on by and what to be revolted at. Not nudes we are looking forward to. Not today. Not in the near future.
3. Robert Alai
Hmmm. Where to start? He's the local version of Stella Nyanzi. Without the breasts and the hanging buttocks,of course. Close your eyes. Try picturing a a naked Alai. Now open your eyes and thank God that the horror was just an imagination. Not a stark reality. What would make Alai go nude? Well,several things. Top on the list would be a protest. Just like Mrs. Nyanzi. The last horror we need is a protesting Alai deciding to strip naked. Or even a cheeky Alai having his nudes 'leaked' onto the net. By some cheeky ex-girlfriend. Wouldn't that be a horror? Oh yes it would.
4. Joji Baro
He's the openly gay dark-skinned skinny boy who came out some three years ago and who also proudly parades himself as one of Kenya's proudest and loudest Gay personalities. He has not hidden his love for fellow boys and has even dared upload semi-nude photos of himself on Facebook. If you've seen Joji Baro,you would know that we would be revolted to face his nudes. It would be a dark dark day for Kenya (literally) and the sight of a skinny gay boy's nudes is something we would need a thorough prayer and deliverance session over. Not something we are definitely looking forward to. Definitely.
5. Ella (Nairobi Diaries)
We've just watched her struggle to find a fitting weight-reduction company - and regime. Ella has the tummy the size of a small pig. There's probably more stuff in her tummy than in the entire Chase Bank reservoirs. If we have to dig deeper,into her nudes, it might not be the best idea we've tried this week. Not with that tummy. Lord knows it would be a torture for us. She's pretty though... But not enough to successfully launch nudes on us and get away with it. Maybe after that weight is gone. And after she's found a whole new tummy. Maybe then... We can reconsider.
6. Pastor Kanyari
His sullied name already makes us sick. The sight of his conman face already repulses us. You can imagine the horror his nudes would inflict on a nation. He already has the body of a potato. And the looks of a cabbage. Now, undress that whole mess. And photograph it. Horror,right? Yeah right! Even Betty couldn't put up with it. But after many years of screwing up the Lord,and making millions out of the desperation of others, you are bound to look like crap at the end of the day. Save your nudes,Pastor. We'd be horrified to encounter them. Barikiwa.
I know most of ya'll will probably disagree on my choice of including poor Ella in the list...But that's me. You know...
Oh...And this list is NOT even remotely exhaustive. We had more people to lump in it...We just didn't find space to put them. People like ,uummm,Ok never mind.
Have a modest day....Won't you?!
![KE-[B:Desi4-Mava3,C:F.Wclo:160x600]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sAwqubweQokaUIlQ0EQBs6IBmu4e3JFoAMb8O4vL9NBIWY4c__FTTBomFNVjsc5qrqcSoUwenXI-qin0OD5n3T06aBeFHgIiaAJ1sJcWK1goaxORF0EcF8uQ57zCP4nYMdBV3-oxAWv6i3JXtmDEN4KDgs0MVHQV8mZrltpPWOMDcWGKY=s0-d)
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