Wait a Minute! This mzungu did not just call Kenyan men ‘pathetic and lazy

We Kenyan men are a proud lot. Not because we are the most stylish or gifted, no.  We just happen to be comfortable in our space. We are Kenyan men after all, from the land of hakuna matata. Granted, there are a few who let us down and give us a bad name; the lot that busies itself stripping defenseless women in town or the kind that drinks alcohol hopelessly and sleeps in trenches. But we are generally a respectable species.
It is therefore quite disturbing for us to have to endure the ignominy of reading a rather long winded blog by some expatriate describing our kind in not so attractive terms.
Wait! Have you read the blog by Mzungu Mkenya, penned this week? If you are a Kenyan man, the article is perhaps the most offensive piece of writing that you will ever come across in your lifetime. The author is shockingly unappreciative of our hospitality given that he/she claims to have visited for the last 10 years and continues to visit this land of illustrious gentlemen.
The blogger’s choice of adjectives in his description of the Kenyan man is, for lack of a better word, libelous. We are under attack. It is bad enough that we have to be lectured on what car to drive or what drink to enjoy by the likes of Njoki Chege, but do we really have to take this kind of treatment from some random visitor?
Yet I feel that we, being the gentlemen we are, are still not irked enough to demand an apology from this author. It is for this reason that I will re post the blog here; hoping that a Kenyan man will get angry enough and act. I am a gentleman after all.
Read this article.

As a Mzungu who has been visiting Kenya for the last 10 years, I think it’s time I shared some thoughts with my fellow Kenyans. As much as I love Kenya and a few people in this beautiful country, I am also deeply disturbed by Kenya’s lack of progress for the last 10 years. In fact, I would say that Kenyans constantly under develop Kenya because they (Kenyans) are by far the laziest people in East Africa. (And I am predominantly speaking about the men in this letter) but let’s start from the beginning. man

Apparently, more and more senior citizens think that life was much better 50 years ago when the British ruled Kenya; a sign that something is terribly wrong as we speak. You may wonder what the problem is but the answer is obviously displayed on the streets of Nairobi. It’s not the ever begging street families or the conmen and pickpockets, but men and women from one of the largest and most populous countries on our planet, India.

Indians, take up all the jobs that Kenyans are too lazy to do. What’s crazy is that some of those Kenyans are often more qualified than the Mushambas from India. I am talking about those Indians that look at Kenyans like a shabby cockroach climbing up the kitchen walls at KenChic. Those Indians that jump lines at Nakumatt just because Kenyans are black and they are not. I haven’t even mentioned those Indians that make any movie experience in Kenya feel like 2 hours in Kibera.

I know the Kenyan government gives a ridiculous amount of job contracts to India every year, (and this is a whole different story) but what’s wrong with Kenyans that they accept to be treated by their own leaders worse than they were treated 50 year ago by colonialists? It finally seems like all Kenyans are literate, but it’s a lot of fun to realize that most of them walk 300 Kilometers to work for 10 bob an hour in a tea factory owned by Indians! Ironically that 10 bob only pays for the daily chapati, another Indian food so loved by Kenyans.

But again, why are Kenyans even too lazy to rise up against such wrongdoing? Simple, Kenyans like sitting around all day long while mommy cooks ugali and sukumawiki. The only time a Kenyan men ever gets up is when he wants to go to choo (hold on, seeing some parts in Kenya that is not even true), let’s take that again, the only time a Kenyan man ever gets up is when mommy forgets to bring his Stoney. Please do not be offended by the following questions because I am going to try to make it as simple as possible; what the hell is wrong in this country?

After 50 years of the so called independence, Kenya is one of the few African countries still “ruled” by foreign invaders. It is time for you to stand on your own feet. You might fall but it’s worth trying. I mean, when a country like Uganda, run by a mentally challenged president for 35 years, overtakes you economically by light years, then it’s time to change something!

I don’t understand the problem because a vast majority of Kenyan men are well educated. So get up, saddle up, man up and grab the jobs you have trained for your whole life. Why do you let foreigners take away your jobs then they live in Karen while you waste away in the slums dodging flying toilets? Seriously, is that the life you want? Just chase them away to where they came from! I think there must finally be a reason why you have so many machetes in your country!

Actually, if you do that, the tourism industry will recover big time because If I want to spend my night with a hundred Indians, I’d go to India not Kenya. But if you chase the Indians away (which you should for the reasons written above), things could get worse for some time. But hey, look at Zimbabwe, when they chased away the white people they eventually figured out how to run things. The bad news is that you’ll have to roll up your sleeves for that because no one is going to do it for you! But if Zimbabweans can do it, Kenyans can do it too!

But as I believe that Kenyan men will continue living like they did for the last 10 years, I also see hope in form of Kenyan women. They are marvelous human beings because they have all the characteristics that Kenyan men and leaders lack or are unwilling to display. They are honest, sane and hard working. Kenya would be a better country if it was run by women. So Kenyan men, please step aside for the women to run this country and stop slapping them around because they do all the things that you are too lazy to do. You guys are just pathetic!

Finally, just one last thing to all those Kenyans who told me that things were much better when the British ran your country. For your love for Kenya and my love for you, I am going to start a petition online that demands the British to come back to Kenya! Because like you, I want what is best for Kenya. After all, the British brought you the bible, and let’s be honest, after all those years, isn’t it still the best thing in your life even if it is the source of all the problems you are facing right now?

God Bless Kenya and its wonderful people!

Mzungu Mkenya