How To Score A Kenyan Sugar Mummy: The 7 Step Guide For Kenyan Men

Many a young lad has written to Team Mpasho asking to be set up with a cougar or as we so colloquially put it, a sugar mummy. The rapid inflow of such inquiry emails actually baffles and boggles my mind but I doubt the popularity of this topic will ever wane.You could chalk it down either to some manifestation of the Oedipus complex or chalk it down to laziness -looking for the easy way to leading the good life. But whatever the case may be, one thing is for certain, most Kenyan lads are clueless as to how to go about scoring a sugar mummy or MILF or whatever you call them.
So I had a rather interesting conversation with some more -shall we say, mature female celebrities who gave me some interesting advice. Due to the nature of the conversation, they requested anonymity but trust that their advice is right on the money!
Here are some of the guidelines on how to score mature ladies:
#1. Stop using Facebook pages

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You will NEVER find any sugar mummies or sugar mummies through Facebook. Well, that is a bit of a blanket statement. What I do know however is that the lads that succeed thanks to social media are statistical outliers.
Most of the pages on Facebook taking about hooking you up are con-artists. Women unlike men do not announce their intent to sleep with younger lads.
#2. Dress the part
Women, unlike men, are very conscious about what people think of them. That means that she will not want to be seen canoodling with a lad that looks like and is dressed like a little boy. That means no sagging, no skinny jeans and no bling.
Dress dapper whenever you are going out looking for them and for the love of God, use a cologne! That pheromones hogwash is exactly that, nonsense.
#3. Go to mature clubs/ hangouts
You do not expect to find a cougar at Molly’s now do you? And Okolea is not a step in the right direction either. To meet sugar mummies, frequent hangouts and haunts that mature women are known to like. There is nothing new about this idea but remember that life isn’t static. Favourite haunts of yesteryear are not the same this time round. Do some legwork and get to find out.
#4. Read a book or a newspaper

Be informed. Mature women do not like airheads or meatheads for that matter. That is the difference between men and women. A man wouldn’t care about whether or not his gacungwa is an airhead but the way women are wired…
Besides, how will you approach her? By flexing your muscles? Nope! The least you can do is hold your own about current affairs. But it isn’t enough to be opinionated, you have to be well informed.
#5. Take care of your body
Let us not get anything twisted. The only thing your truly have to bring to your table is your body. You are meat. Atleast be well kept meat. Think about it, don’t you think this woman is well aware of the trade off here? Why would she settle for a fatso when she can have any fatso in her age category?
#6. Be straightforward

As lasses grow older, they begin to care less and less about some of societies traditionally ascribed roles. She is nolonger content to sit back and let you do the hunting -least of all if you met her at a club. You need to reciprocate. I am not saying that you should be a pushover but rather that you shouldn’t play any games.
Mature women cannot afford to waste time. They do not want to play games and end up killing an entire night out talking about nonsense. Mature women have learnt to appreciate honesty as they can see how it works to their advantage when it comes to sieving out time-wasters.
#7. Never ever say or do ratchet stuff

Just no! Women at this stage of their lives are done with matters ratchetry -atleast in public. They aren’t trying to be seen as or associated with any form of ratchetry. Women might indulge in some ratchet debauchery but only where they feel safe; at home. No woman beyond the 30 year mark wants to be seen grinding or getting silly.
If you are the type to get stupid drunk, you are on your own.